The Collegian

Issue date: 5/20/05 Section: No Limits

Coach Phil Preston (Will Ferrell) is really making his message clear.

Mike Ditka, giving some valuable instruction to Will Ferrell

Gathering together a group of wild animals to fight to the death for our entertainment is illegal. Luckily for us, if you replace the animals with children, the same idea is socially acceptable. "Kicking and Screaming" offers a front row seat to the world of competitive child soccer, led by Will Ferrell.

Phil Preston (Ferrell) is an unusually uncoordinated suburban father who's driven to try to compete with his obviously superior father, Buck Preston (Robert Duvall), in children's soccer.

The children's soccer movie has been presented to the movie-going public on many occasions; as such, I didn't have high expectations going into the theater. If nothing else, it would be a decent movie compared to the dreadful "Monster in Law." I never learn my lesson it seems. Never underestimate Will Ferrell!

Buck coaches the Gladiators, the best soccer team around. Phil assistant coaches until the day Buck trades away his grandson to another team. Reluctantly, Phil joins his son on his new team to try to prove to his father that he and his son are not losers.

Ferrell pulls the weight of the film's comedy with his deadpan (probably ad-libbed) lines, but former Chicago Bears coach Mike Ditka, steals the show. Ditka plays himself, naturally, a high-strung individual who aligns with Ferrell to spite Buck, whom he naturally hates. Phil and Ditka employ ringers of sorts to balance out the roster of crappy players that are the Tigers.

There are too many moments in this movie to pinpoint my favorite. Among them were, "YOU GO TO HELL! AND WHILE YOU'RE THERE GET ME A JUICE BOX!!", "Way to go, Bing-Bong!", Ferrell going into spasms of despair telling his son a story, a coffee addiction strangely reminiscent of a crack addiction and a commitment for the team to eat the little Chinese boy should the food supply run out.

Despite the nonsensical string of words above, this is a family film. Crude humor here and there but nothing your child hasn't been exposed to after three minutes of Nickelodeon.

The only problem I had with this film is the ending can be seen coming from a mile away. What I wouldn't give for a more realistic conclusion to a story about a team that began as the worst team in the league. I don't care how many Super Bowl-winning coaches or immigrant adolescent superstars you have on your side, the only logical ending is failure.

At any rate, Kicking and Screaming will guarantee a few laughs at the expense of uncoordinated, loser children. Kind of like we all did back in grade school. It all comes full circle, people.

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